bachhe tho bacche hote hai - children children

[mastime]

Why  We Love Children
 
1.  A kindergarten pupil  told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. 
"How do you know  that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. 
"Because I pissed in  its ear and it didn't move," answered the  child innocently.
You did  WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in  surprise. "You know,"explained  the boy, "I leaned over and went  'Pssst!' and it didn't move." 

2.  A small boy is sent to  bed by his father.
Five minutes  later....."Da-ad...." 
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you  bring drink of water?" 
"No, You had your chance. Lights out." 
Five minutes later:  "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm  THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of  water??"
I told you NO! If you  ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"  Five minutes  later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!" 
"When you come in  to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" 

3.  An exasperated mother,  whose son was always getting into mischief,  finally asked him "How  do you expect to get into Heaven?" 
The boy thought it over and  said,
"Well, I'll run in and out  and in and out and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, 'For  Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4.  One summer evening  during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was  tucking her son into bed. 
She was about to turn off the light when  he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me  tonight?"
The mother smiled  and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I  can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep  in Daddy's room."
A long  silence was broken at last by his shaky  little voice:  "The  big sissy." 

5.  It was that time, during  the Sunday morning service, for the children's  sermon. All the  children were invited to come forward.
One  little girl was wearing a  particularly pretty dress and, as she sat  down, the pastor leaned over  and said,
"That is a very pretty  dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" 
The little girl replied,  directly into the pastor's clip-on
microphone,  "Yes, and my Mom  says it's a bitch to iron." 

6  When I was six months  pregnant with my third child, my three year old  came into the room  when I was just getting ready to get into  the shower. She said,  "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I  replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy  has a baby growing in her tummy." 
"I know," she replied, but what's  growing in your butt?" 

7  A little boy was doing  his math homework. He said to himself,  "Two plus five, that son of a  bitch is seven.
Three plus  six, that son of a bitch is nine...." 
His mother heard what he  was saying and gasped, "What are you  doing?"
The little boy  answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." 
"And this is how  your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother  asked.
"Yes," he  answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the  teacher the next day,  "What are you teaching my son in math?" 
The teacher  replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." 
The mother  asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped  laughing,  she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE  SUM OF  WHICH, is four."

8.  One day the first grade  teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She  came to the part of the story where Chicken  Little tried to warn the  farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and  said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused  then asked the class, "And  what do you think that farmer said?" 
One little girl raised her  hand and said, "I think he said:  'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" 
The teacher was unable to teach for  the next 10 minutes. 
9.  A certain little girl,  when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.  Sugarbrown's daughter." 
Her mother told her this was wrong, she  must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in  Sunday School, and  said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" 
She replied, "I  thought I was, but mother says I'm not." 

10.  A little girl asked her  mother, "Can I go outside and play with the  boys?"
Her mother  replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,  they're too rough."
The  little girl thought about it for a few  moments and asked,  "If I can find  a smooth one, can I play with  him?"

11.  A little girl goes to  the barber shop with her father.
She stands  next to the barber chair,  while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a  snack cake. The barber says  to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get  hair on your Twinkie."
She   says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."